This morning, bumbling around the internet waiting for a conference call to start led to discovering a blog post that had fifteen steps to becoming a dominant. It had advice like never take “no” for an answer ever. Can you imagine a date with this person who never takes no for an answer? Ick and DANGER! The post dragged on while creating a challenge.
How do you define dominance? Perhaps the simple, quick answer is leadership, but what does that mean? So the challenge today was setting a limit of ten rapid ideas to define leadership, in D/S.
- Lead your submissive from behind and put them first, be the voice whispering in their mind that they can do it, they are amazing, cherished, and loved; however, when life rains down lemons, extend your umbrella, grab their hand, go first, and say follow me. Do not forget to have a little ‘spirit’ with you to liven up the lemonade you will make together.
- Keep your mind and body as healthy as you can. No one needs to cross-fit three times a day or have weekly sessions with Dr. Phil, although I suspect Dr. Phil would have a great time lampooning the D/S lifestyle on national TV; a leader must work on maintaining and improving their physical and mental health, as they are linked together. A leader leads by example, and when life gets challenging, it is essential to have the strength of body and mind to guide your partner through the tough times.
- D-types make sure that the expectations, goals, and guidelines jointly set with your submissive are realistic and achievable. These certainly can be a challenge, but never set an unattainable target and never ask your submissive to do something you, their leader, would not do.
- When you ask your submissive to perform a task, chore, or assignment, do not micromanage them but instead allow them to use their creativity and imagination to complete the job. Allow them to use their mind because D/S starts and ends in the mind. While some lifestyle partnerships work well with close direction, they still allow the s-type to engage and use their mind.
- Be forward-thinking and anticipate any problems or challenges that your submissive might face, so that when those challenges do arise, you will be prepared and not have to make a decision that you have not thought all the way through.
- Make sure to set aside time for self-reflection every day. Invest in learning from the day’s mistakes and how you can improve what was successful.
- Judge your success by what your submissive has achieved, not by what you have done for them or yourself.
- Communicate, communicate, communicate. Never have your submissive wonder what you are thinking or feeling. Even those times when it is hard to share a thought or feeling, find a way to share it effectively and engage in intimate, impactful conversations.
- Let your character, proficiency, and courage speak for you; never be afraid to own your mistakes and what you learned from your mistakes, and speak out/up when you see something wrong.
- Always be humble because being a leader is never about receiving credit or accolades. Being dominant is not about what your submissive does for you, but is about what you do for them.
What is your simplified answer for what dominance is, and how would you expand on the explanation?